The offending tripod ...

After sharing this story on Ringers, I was told I must put it on the web too. It's long, so get a cup of tea and settle in ...

There are two bits of background you need. First, as I fly a lot, including commuting on many weekends, I only ever travel with hand baggage - hanging around waiting for luggage on Friday and Sunday nights is not my idea of fun. I have all the essentials in both the UK and Germany anyway, so don't tend to carry much more than a camera and laptop.

Second, since buying the Nikon D70, I have made a habit of taking my tripod with me when I fly. There has never been a problem taking it on board, but it was quite big and heavy so I bought a really tiny and lightweight one: a Velbon Ultra MaxiSF. This is just 32cm when folded, and weighs only 750g.

I was heading to the Ring to watch the 24-Hour race, so took the tripod, intending to use it for night shots. In the event, there was absolutely nowhere to put it with a view of the track, so I did my light-trail shots hand-held. Amazingly, 4-second handheld exposures worked just fine.

So, to the outbound journey on Friday evening, and the first part of the story that has nothing to do with tripods but was all part of the fun and games ...

I got to the Germanwings check-in at Stansted to be told that they couldn't find my booking. They sent me to the ticket desk. They couldn't find my booking either, though they could find the other ones that I made at the same time. They said that they couldn't do anything about it out of hours, so I'd need to buy a new ticket and they would refund me when they sorted out the old one. Of course, being an hour before the flight, a new return ticket is now £300 ...

So, new reference numbers in hand, and a somewhat glowing credit card, I check-in and an uneventful flight there.

Attempting to check-in at Koln-Bonn on Sunday night, it's deja-vu time: "We cannot find a booking for you."

So I say, yes, I know, you lost it, we did all this on Friday, so now we rebooked it, the reference number I'm giving you is the new booking you charged me £300 for on Friday. They insist that they cannot find either old or new booking.

They try to tell me to go to the ticket desk, but I say no, we did that on Friday and it didn't help and you could only sell me a new ticket and I am not buying a third ticket for the same flight.

A supervisor is called and they find my booking ... for the correct flight ... tomorrow!

They try to tell me it is my mistake. I point out that I bought the ticket at their ticket desk from their handling agent and they entered the details not me. They look a little unsure about what to do next. I point to the piece of paper that they gave me at Stansted showing the reference number, the flight number, the time and - crucially - today's date. At which point they look at the system, confirm that it was a Germanwings agent who made the booking and agree to switch it to tonight. By the end, the woman sorting it out is very apologetic.

So, all sorted. Germanwings flies from terminal C, but I have access to an airline lounge in terminal D, so I went there first. You of course have to go through security to enter the terminal, all done without any problem. I relax in the lounge for a while. Normally, I only leave the lounge as the flight starts boarding, but as I'd dragged my D70 halfway across Germany and barely used it there, I decided to indulge my stainless steel fetish by taking a few photos around the airport terminals, so left the lounge early.

At terminal C security, they tell me I cannot take the tripod onto the plane.

I tell them I have flown with tripods many times. They tell me that new rules are in place. I ask 'How new? Since I flew with it 48 hours ago'.

They backtrack a little and say they are not allowed to let people in with tripods at Koln-Bonn. I tell them I just came from terminal D, where I took it through security an hour ago with no problem. So, I ask, are these rules less than 2 hours old?

They backtrack some more, and say that they are only allowed to let tripods through if the airline gives permission. So off I go back to Germanwings.

Fortunately I get the same Germanwings supervisor, so she wants to help. She puts an 'Approved Cabin Baggage' tag on the tripod and stamps it with an official stamp. Back I go to security.

To be told that I can't take the tripod through. I explain that we just did this, and that I was told to get approval, so here it is:

I try to point to the guy who I dealt with last time, but there is no sign of him and no-one else knows anything about it.

They call a cop over for advice, so I repeat the whole story to him. The cop points to the tag and says that if the airline is ok with it, it is allowed through. The security guy still refuses. He says that I could have put on the tag myself, and he won't accept it without proof that the airline approved it.

The cop is being helpful, so he says he will return with me to Germanwings and ask them. Security man says if the cop confirms, then ok. So, back to Germanwings, this time with my own personal police escort. This does mean no queuing, so I highly recommend a police escort in crowded airport terminals.

Anyway, back we go, and girl is thankfully still there and confirms all is ok. By this time, the flight is due to start boarding, but my police escort gets me past the security queues. And ... the second security guy is no longer there! No-one there knows anything about it again!

The cop explains to the third security guy, but this one is adamant 'No tripods', with or without permission.

By this time, the cop has seen my routine several times, so he does it for me, showing that the tripod has no spikes, explaining that I flew with it on Friday, explaining that I went into the other terminal with it, explaining that if I wanted to use it as a truncheon my camera weighs much more than the tripod and that two of his colleagues have said it's ok with airline permission.

The security guy simply shrugs and says Nein.

The cop gets on his radio and explains to me that he has asked the Germanwings woman to come to security. So she comes, says it's ok, the cop says it's ok.

The security guy still says no.

So now the cop and the GW lady are arguing with the security guy and I am merely a spectator. GW lady gets on her radio, and the cop explains to me that she is getting a message to the captain of the aircraft to ask if it is ok with him. After an impressively short wait, we get a message back that the captain says it is ok.

The security guy still says no.

The GW lady is now exasperated with the security guy and has clearly made it her personal mission to get my tripod into the aircraft. The security guy says it must go in the hold. GW lady says I have no baggage and it is too small and fragile to go on its own, so they will not put it into the hold and they will take it in the cabin.

By this time, we have large queues building up and the cop finally says something very fiercely to the security guy. (He was helpfully translating most of what was being said, but he didn't translate that bit ...)

There is some three-way discussion and finally the security guy says 'Ja' so I think he has finally agreed.

No, what he has agreed to is the cop going to the gate with me and personally handing it to the captain!

The cop says no, the GW lady will take it to the gate and hand it to a GW gate staff person who will hand it to the captain. The security guy still isn't happy with this plan, but it is plain by this time that the cop is very unimpressed by his attitude, so he reluctantly agrees.

So, off I go with my GW lady escort to the gate and we reach passport control. This controls access to just two departure gates, but there is a big queue there. However, an airline escort works as well as a police escort and we go marching up to the front of the queue.

She has to go through a side gate for staff, and she waves to the passport man to let me through. She gets to the other side and the passport man says 'Nein'. I think he's telling me I can't jump the queue and I start to explain. But no, the problem, and the reason for the queue, is that the passport control computer has crashed and they can't let anyone through ...

So now we have the GW person in the departure gate lounge, and me just outside. She comes back out and discovers the problem. The problem now is that she must hand the tripod to the gate person in my presence.

She gets on the radio and the cop from the security gate arrives. He talks to the passport cop and they wave me through into the completely empty gate lounge. Seemingly passport procedures can be waived but Germanwings ones can't. Er, ok.

GW lady hands the tripod to the gate lady and tells me I can get it from the captain when we land, and off she goes. Of course, with great irony the incoming flight is on time for the first time I can remember, and it pulls up to the gate with me still the only passenger there because they still aren't letting anyone else in.

Various officials and GW staff have conversations at the passport control and I see them pointing at me at various points in this conversation. I am hoping I am merely being used as part of a 'Well, you let one person in, so you must let them all in' argument, and not as a 'Look, the whole trouble started with that guy, just arrest him and let's be done with it' line. It was apparently the former, as everyone starts coming in.

We land at Stansted, I ask the cabin attendant to ask the captain for my tripod and she looks at me blankly and asks 'Tripod? What is tripod?'. I quickly review my German vocabulary: beer, red wine, petrol, I've broken the car again, new tyres please, fried egg with bacon, filet steak on hot stone ... nope, definitely nothing about tripods in there. I simply say 'Just ask the captain for the tripod - he will know'. Finally, after the involvement of three security guys, one cop, two Germanwings ground staff, one Germanwings cabin attendant and the captain of my flight, my tripod and I are reunited.

So that was the story of the tripod that I took all the way to Germany and back, at massive hassle, without even using the bloody thing once!